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I was poisoned.

Hazel Brown eyes - smiling, perfectly set up Black hair, Blue jeans, White shirt, one hand placed on his side, and with other he was rubbing his head, biting his lips to hide his smile - he was everything I could ever desire standing right in front of me. Not for a moment I even tried to look away. I was looking at him directly, without setting down my gaze, I was awestruck, spell-bounded, helplessly looking at him. And then, he looked at me...

He looked at me and I was doomed and he looked away. He looked at me for a tiniest of second and I knew I have lost it. I have lost it completely. With his only slightest stare, he had my desires unleashed, my curiosities awaken, my hopes higher, my feelings unveiled, my guilts naked, and my mind out of control.



I was still there, I hadn't moved a bit. I was not staring at him anymore and all I was doing was to think about him over and over again, rethink, overthink, and overly overthink. Play those moments in my mind, replay those moments, stop, pause, rewind, fast forward, play, and replay again those moments.



His friends had left now, he bid them goodbye, started walking - I was still there, looking down, doing nothing - he passed me by, he left. He was wearing mint-scented cologne and now I was wrapped around with his scent.

Crazy I started stalking him, and after hours and hours of searching, I finally found him and then spent other hours to go through every bit and piece of information I could find. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, and what not - I stalked him everywhere. I was doubting my sanity - actually no, I was pretty sure I have gone insane. Total psycho.

Hit the add friend button on his Facebook profile and waited for him to accept my request. I had thousands of pending requests that I never bothered to see, another thousand of messages in my inbox that I never replied, but now, I was waiting anxiously for him to accept my request, worrying what if he want. And then he did, he accepted it.... I literally heard my heart beats - my heart was pounding so louder that a cloud in thunder couldn't howl, and so faster that a lion couldn't race.

Our first message, then our little conversations, growing up in lengthy discussions, and then talking all the day and night long without getting enough of it. We became so used to of each other that we started calling it love - or maybe it was love. I was a little too excited and hurried to confess my feelings for him and opening up about how I saw him, and fell for him.

He asked me to meet him. We met, our first meeting - a sweet nice date, our next meeting - we watched a movie together, and then our night outs, staying over, and finally shifting together. We covered it all so fast. We were so in love.



It was our first anniversary, he wore that same white shirt and blue jeans, bought white lilies, and surprised me with a vanilla cake. We were cute. It was all good, and we were all in love, till the day came and I found him cheating on me.

Betrayed, broken, bruised, I begged for his love. I cried, I pleaded, I tried all the tricks for him to stay. He didn't. He left.

A year, and a month, and it was all over. Just as soon as it began. I was depressed, I took pills, did drugs, drank alcohol, slept with strangers, tried ending my life, wept for hours, then laughed like crazy for days, lost my senses. I was demolished, and destroyed, and destructed, and died within.



Years later, I saw him again. Hazel Brown eyes - vaccant, perfectly set up Black hair with a little tinge of Grey, Blue jeans, White shirt, with one hand he was holding a little girl's hand, and in other he had shopping bags, his lips shut up tight - blackened by smoking, he was still everything I would ever desire standing right in front of me. Not for a moment I even tried to look away. I was looking at him directly, without setting down my gaze, I was awestruck, spell-bounded, helplessly looking at him again. And then, he looked at me...

His face paled, he grasped on that little girl's hand a little tighter, he turned his back and went away. Later that day, I received a message - a familiar number said sorry. I replied it's okay. We began to talk again, we met again, he apologized, he told me he lost his wife to suicide because she caught him cheating on her. He was ashamed. He was crying. I looked at him- the guy who left me years before to the urge on dying, the guy who torn my heart into a gazillion pieces, shattered my soul, and filled my eyes with never ending tears was crying. I forgave him, or maybe I never hated him, I was never even angry, I was just broken.

I had always thought of him as my most beautiful experience in life. The days I spent with him was precious. And I never cared how that one year and a month of happiness led my life to 12 years of emotional hell and endless mental torture. I always loved him. I doubted my love for him as lust for those 12 years but that day, when I saw him again, I knew that it was LOVE. I realized that I have loved him undoubtedly unconditional and that my feelings were undeniably pure.

He asked me to meet his daughter. She liked me and I loved her. She was him. She was totally him. He proposed me. We got married. And tonight, when I felt sleepless, I turned towards his side, kissed his head, and left the bed to thank the God of all to never make my suicide attempts successful. And now, when I am writing this down all I know is that those 12 years were not even slightly important. I got him and today, I know he is all mine. Those 12 years of pain was definitely worth all this love I have now. I am looking at him smiling in his sleep and I know I am poisoned. He poisoned me with his love 13 years ago - and I was still poisoned.


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