All tired, and exhausted from working all the day long, all sleepy, I lie down on my bed and as soon as I close my eyes all these feelings of being tired and dull vanished, and now all I can do is to think about you, miss you, over think you.
Trying too hard to resist it; you, your cravings, trying too hard to sleep I go back down to the memory lane and it all starts to play in my mind - again.
It was another ordinary night when I per my habit was going through my contacts on Whatsapp, reading their statuses. I had always believed that what one says or writes about casually is more than what it seems to be. Nothing is casual, we tend to speak about things casually when we are unable to say them abruptly because we know it won't make any sense but deep down these are the things that bother us the most, that matter the most. And while going through all of those statuses I came across yours saying, "The world is yours". I smiled and wondered how you are so different - and maybe you were not and it was just me who thought this way because to me, you were different, you were literally everything I had ever wanted, ever desired for. And I'd still say that I was certainly not intended to do that - what happened next, I shook and killed the cancel button of my phone when I accidentally had hit the called button on your contact. I deleted my Whatsapp, took a deep breath, created it again because no matter what you now had my number in your call log and it was a lot better to accept my mistake and apologize than to run away from it. You probably had never even noticed it if I had not recreated it but this was our fate. An hour later, my phone buzzed and it was you asking who is it at 4:15 in the morning - anxious I, replied you an hour later, "sorry it was just a mistake" - thinking it all has finished and that you'd never know it was me.
Although I was surprisingly proved wrong when you texted me a month later at 12:32 a.m telling me that you know who am I - that was surely the best night of my life. We began to chat, I apologized you again and cleared my position, we laughed it out, we flirted - and yes we did flirt in our first conversation, and no, it wasn't me who started it.
It was now our routine to chat with each other and then one day for no known reason, you ghosted. I waited for you a lot but you didn't come back. Heart broken, this time I thought I have lost you forever. You again proved me wrong, you came back, we began to talk again, and you ghosted again - and this has been repeated for a thousand times now. I always felt broken, tried to mend my heart, promised myself that this time I won't go back and as soon as I got your message, I replied. I know it was me being foolish but I never cared. After all, you were my reward.
We made memories, we shared intimacies, you have witnessed me broken and weak, crying and begging for your love. You have read my 3 a.m drunk texts telling you how much I hate you and that this time we are done, that we are never ever getting back together, and then messages where I am telling you how much you meant to me and how I will never be able to forget you or unlove you. A thousand times, we get back together, we made love, you ghosted, I cried, and then all those drunk texts and then you come back - again - and it kept repeating over and over again.
Last night, when I was again texting you 37 times in a row I told you, "You're again awake in my inability to sleep", I laughed out loud and told you I am going to write about it, you came online, asked me if I was okay, laughed at me, and then left my messages on unseen and went offline. I again waited for you, thought about it all, promised myself to never come back to you, to not think about you, and look, I am here again writing for you with a broad smile on my face and all this stupid, unrequited love in my heart that I know will end up killing me one day.
But I would say this, for the rest of my life, till the day I die - today, tomorrow, or even after billion years, you were certainly, undoubtedly, the best ever thing that happened to me. Every moment that I have spent with you - crying or enjoying - no matter how, where, when - is the best time of my life. And that although I know loving you hurts but still, it is the sweetest possible poison anyone would drink to end their life, and I am so glad I took it. And that no matter how much hurt I am, knowing I will never be able to call you mine, still, I am the happiest most person to have your love in my heart. It is the feeling that I can treasure for the rest of my life - with or without you. And I would most probably never be able to thank you enough to let me feel this way.
You are my half realized dream, semi settled goal, my inability to sleep, loudest laughter that came out with the flood of tears, sweetest poison, the bitter most pleasure, my unrequited love.
Trying too hard to resist it; you, your cravings, trying too hard to sleep I go back down to the memory lane and it all starts to play in my mind - again.
It was another ordinary night when I per my habit was going through my contacts on Whatsapp, reading their statuses. I had always believed that what one says or writes about casually is more than what it seems to be. Nothing is casual, we tend to speak about things casually when we are unable to say them abruptly because we know it won't make any sense but deep down these are the things that bother us the most, that matter the most. And while going through all of those statuses I came across yours saying, "The world is yours". I smiled and wondered how you are so different - and maybe you were not and it was just me who thought this way because to me, you were different, you were literally everything I had ever wanted, ever desired for. And I'd still say that I was certainly not intended to do that - what happened next, I shook and killed the cancel button of my phone when I accidentally had hit the called button on your contact. I deleted my Whatsapp, took a deep breath, created it again because no matter what you now had my number in your call log and it was a lot better to accept my mistake and apologize than to run away from it. You probably had never even noticed it if I had not recreated it but this was our fate. An hour later, my phone buzzed and it was you asking who is it at 4:15 in the morning - anxious I, replied you an hour later, "sorry it was just a mistake" - thinking it all has finished and that you'd never know it was me.
Although I was surprisingly proved wrong when you texted me a month later at 12:32 a.m telling me that you know who am I - that was surely the best night of my life. We began to chat, I apologized you again and cleared my position, we laughed it out, we flirted - and yes we did flirt in our first conversation, and no, it wasn't me who started it.
It was now our routine to chat with each other and then one day for no known reason, you ghosted. I waited for you a lot but you didn't come back. Heart broken, this time I thought I have lost you forever. You again proved me wrong, you came back, we began to talk again, and you ghosted again - and this has been repeated for a thousand times now. I always felt broken, tried to mend my heart, promised myself that this time I won't go back and as soon as I got your message, I replied. I know it was me being foolish but I never cared. After all, you were my reward.
We made memories, we shared intimacies, you have witnessed me broken and weak, crying and begging for your love. You have read my 3 a.m drunk texts telling you how much I hate you and that this time we are done, that we are never ever getting back together, and then messages where I am telling you how much you meant to me and how I will never be able to forget you or unlove you. A thousand times, we get back together, we made love, you ghosted, I cried, and then all those drunk texts and then you come back - again - and it kept repeating over and over again.
Last night, when I was again texting you 37 times in a row I told you, "You're again awake in my inability to sleep", I laughed out loud and told you I am going to write about it, you came online, asked me if I was okay, laughed at me, and then left my messages on unseen and went offline. I again waited for you, thought about it all, promised myself to never come back to you, to not think about you, and look, I am here again writing for you with a broad smile on my face and all this stupid, unrequited love in my heart that I know will end up killing me one day.
But I would say this, for the rest of my life, till the day I die - today, tomorrow, or even after billion years, you were certainly, undoubtedly, the best ever thing that happened to me. Every moment that I have spent with you - crying or enjoying - no matter how, where, when - is the best time of my life. And that although I know loving you hurts but still, it is the sweetest possible poison anyone would drink to end their life, and I am so glad I took it. And that no matter how much hurt I am, knowing I will never be able to call you mine, still, I am the happiest most person to have your love in my heart. It is the feeling that I can treasure for the rest of my life - with or without you. And I would most probably never be able to thank you enough to let me feel this way.
You are my half realized dream, semi settled goal, my inability to sleep, loudest laughter that came out with the flood of tears, sweetest poison, the bitter most pleasure, my unrequited love.
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